The Calculus of Love

I just read this funny article entitled "The Calculus of Saying 'I Love You'" by Anna Gosline. In the article, she supposes that women should never date a man who knows more math than them, but as a happily married man with a math degree from UC Berkeley, I'm a bit perturbed by this.

The article is based on a statement the boyfriend of the author's friend made stating he would say he loved her when dLove/dt = zero. The author and her friend went into length and even have graphs to ultimately prove that the the boyfriend's statement is misguided. They even suggest a better solution to the problem. Kudos to you girls!

However, this is where my beef with the author's supposition lies. By fact that the author and her friend had to go through so much work to debunk the boyfriend's statement and come up with another solution is evidence that said boyfriend is, in fact, less smarter than the girls in math and does not necessarily know more math than the girls. If he were to know more math than his girlfriend, he should have come up with the better solution proposed by the girls in the first place. Thus, the girlfriend would be better off dating a man who knows more math than her in the first place if she were to save herself all this grief and research to point out the boyfriend's original error. Therefore, the author's supposition is incorrect; women should always date men who know more math than them.

Crikey, Mate!

Dorkalicious,
originally uploaded by mllegemaricaine.

Last Saturday, Jen and I were outback in the biggity, biggity O at Mayra & Liza's huge GHOULISH GARCIA GALA. Jen dressed up as a cute crocodile while I paid homage to the venerable, late Steve Irwin, The Crocodile Hunter. As couple costumes go, we thought it was awesome and so did Liza & Mayra as we won for best costume. Angela thought our idea was dorkalicious.

Can we get a hurray for homemade costumes? Both of ours were very affordable. Jen just threw on a green dress from Forever 21, or XXI as they now call themselves, and green tights. I made the Croc head and jaw with some cardboard and paint. Pretty crafty, eh? My getup was pretty easy except for the fact finding a shirt and shorts that matched in color was a pain. On top of it all, the shorts were 2 sizes too small, so it looked like I stuffed my shorts. Another problem was that we had to constantly be near each other, otherwise our couple costume broke down. People started to think Jen was a dinosaur and I was a UPS guy. At some point, I told people you can check out my package right here as I pointed to my overly tight shorts.

All in all, Jen and I had great fun. And despite the costume mix ups, I went home with the only croc I'd like to wrestle. ;)

Quince

FYI, Jen put out a new dessert on Oct. 12, replacing the much loved Basque Cake. It's called the Quince Upside Down Cake with Chamomile Creme Anglaise. The cake has a layer of housemade membrillo and fresh quince on top of a buttery vanilla cake. There is also poached quince carpaccio on the plate. From what I have heard... sales of this dessert are off the charts. Get your taste before all the quince are gone.

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Culinary Word of the Day: Quince
Ancient Romans used the flowers and fruit of the quince tree for everything from perfume to honey. It was also considered a symbol of love and given to one's intended as a sign of commitment. Though the quince has been around for over 4,000 years throughout Asia and the Mediterranean countries, it's not particularly popular with Americans. This yellow-skinned fruit looks and tastes like a cross between an apple and a pear. The hard, yellowish-white flesh is quite dry and has an astringent, tart flavor, which makes it better cooked than raw. Because of its high pectin content, it's particularly popular for use in jams, jellies and preserves. Quinces are available in supermarkets from October through December. Source: Food Lover's Guide

A little note to Jen

Just a little note from a customer. The post-it note came from the co-worker who delivered it.

I've been meaning to share this one for quite a while now, but sometime on Friday, September 14, 2007, a customer sent Jen's menu back with a little addition.

The funny part about this all was that no one working at Salt House understood what Creme frites were. Apparently, Jen has a loyal following, maybe someone should take notice.

The CAT Scan and a warming sensation... like you wet yourself

So I'm dying... well, maybe, kinda. I guess everyone is dying albeit just very slowly. Anyways, as some of you might know I have a condition that requires me to get regular blood tests every 3 months. (I'm still kinda touchy about being so open with this info to all of the world, but if you must know, you'll have to talk to me directly.) Nothing really freaky or anything but a preventative measure. My last blood test showed showed an abnormality that triggered a string of other events that included an ultrasound, more blood tests, and as the title suggests, a CAT scan.

As a tech guy, I thought all this medical gadgetry was pretty awesome except that it had to be used on me. And that kinda freaked me out, a lot.

Needles don't bother me much, but the two bottles of barium that I had to drink before the test made me nervous. I found out that they use that stuff as a radiocontrast agent for X-ray imaging and other things like green colored light in fireworks, brake linings, acoustic foams and powder coatings. Mmm.... brake lining for breakfast and dessert. My doctor ordered the CAT scan to check my organs for signs of inflammation. Maybe my drinking days have caught up to me, oh my. (Those who know how much of a cheap date I am better have laughed.)

When I got to my appointment, I had already ran to three Kaiser buildings to find the place. The Kaiser campus in SF is kinda confusing without a map of which services are where. My wait was brief after a quick registration where I acknowledged that I'd be bombarded with X-rays that are potentially harmful to my body. A pleasant nurse soon ushered me to the CAT Scan room that was quite large to house the machine you see above. I was ordered to drop my pants and put on a gown before being led to the CAT bed. There is hooked up to a barium IV that the nursed warned me of a few side affects including a feeling of warmth through my body, a metallic taste on my tongue, and the sensation that I wet myself. The last one made me snicker a little. The whole procedure was fairly quick with 6 passes taking about 10 minutes long. Each pass consisted of me holding my breath while my body was fed into the ring of the scanner. The ring is a track for a X-ray gun and detector to spin around as the body is fed past the detector's plane. The result will be X-ray cross sections of my body, like how one would view rings of a tree. Putting these cross sections together will give a complete 3D image of my internal organs. The barium helps clearly show the shape of the lumina of my organs because radioopaque. The side affects the nurse mentioned to me hit me all of a sudden between the 4th and 5th pass. She was dead on. I felt a warming sensation all over that, I presume, made me feel I wet myself in the nether region as well as the metallic taste in my mouth. All these symptoms quickly went away though, before I even changed back into my clothes.

It's been 30+ hours since the scan; I was hoping I'd hear some result by now, but it's Friday I probably won't know anything until next week. Meanwhile, I'll keep my fingers cross as I try to focus on my studies. The damn test is coming up in one week. ARG!

What am I doing wrong?

I'm not a fan of forwards (so don't send me any!), but this one left me in stitches, so I had to pass it on. My friend Irene, the auditor, sent it to me. Very appropriated being that I'm applying for biz school and all.

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THIS APPEARED ON CRAIG'S LIST


What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars,
restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper eastside so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 432279810



THE RESPONSE
Dear Pers-431649184:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.
Firstly, I'm not wasting your time; I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a cr@ppy business deal.

Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic "pump and dump." I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

Buyouts, a bitch, and a fig tart for good measure

A beautiful fig tart by Pastry Chef Jennifer Kenny Nguyen made with organic, homegrown Simmons (Jen's aunt) Figs.

Salt House is being invaded with Buyouts these next few weeks. In fact, there is one this Thursday. Jen's been pretty excited because it means a change in pace but also a lot of work. First, she has to ensure there is enough desserts up to the day of the buyout. Stop regular production the day before the event. Then, she has to make a whole new menu as well as complete production on all the items for the event. The buyout event itself is run by the night crew with all hopes Jen would have made it simple enough for nothing to go wrong. The following day, Jen must purge all her regular menu items for they are now two days old and produce everything on her regular menu all fresh. So, yeah, lots of work, but sometimes, the celebs, themselves, are worth all the work. Two buyouts that were scheduled are KQED, with a book promotion event for Jen's idol, renowned Chef Jacques Pipan, and MTV. Unfortunately, KQED just pulled out citing timing issues, thus, leaving Jen sorely disappointed she would not be cooking for her idol.

On other news, Jen and I attended a MBA fair on Tuesday. 50 schools from all over the world were there to pitch themselves at prospective students. I only went to talk to 4 schools, pretty good use of my time considering my list is only 7 schools long. Upon getting there though, I seemed to have made a slight error. Somehow I misread Northeastern to be Northwestern, my bad. Has anyone ever even heard of Northeastern? Anywho, the representatives of Johnson School of Business at Cornell University and Tepper School of Business at Carnegie Mellon University were excellent recruiters that answered my questions and made me really feel the enthusiasm of apply to their school. In business terms, they sold their brand to me. On the other hand, there was good old USC, the bottom rung of my school application rankings. Unlike the other schools who sent representatives, USC sent the Dean of Admissions himself, Mr. Keith Vaughn. And what a bitch he was. He berated me for asking him a simple question that I asked repeated throughout the night regarding USC's alumni base. He kept going on and on about how my question was a complete "no-brainer" and gave the impression that I wasting his time to talk to him. He then proceeded to talk about schools as brands and how each school's brand will dominate the regional area they serve. And as one of the top four business schools in California, USC is bound to have a large alumni basis in LA and the SF Bay Area. So, the short answer to my question could have been "yes, there is a significant alumni presence in the SF Bay Area." He would have even gone the extra mile to direct me to an alumni chapter member, but he chose not to. Instead, he left me feeling belittled and infuriated Jen. So that shortens my list a little as Jen has forbade me from applying to USC.

Lastly, take a gander at that beautiful fig tart above. Made with organic, homegrown figs from Jen's aunt.